I'm Shooting Cupid

This was originally posted nearly a year ago in 2011, but I've had a recent breakup since then and this seemed a better post than actual page. Men are both fascinating and heartbreaking, certainly.

Suggested background music: "I'm Shooting Cupid" by Voice of the Beehive

How does he love me? Let me count the days

Here is a list of declarations of love that have led to destructive ends

I seem to collect declarations of love that mean everything BUT what one would expect. This has been distressing, confusing, and downright angering, but I am coming to terms with men today having a confused sense of expression.

Last week:

1. Not only an I love you but saying he had loved me for some time and feared I would break his heart. Result: The next day it becomes apparent that it was all a ruse to convince me to sleep with him. After calling him out on his behavior, he has avoided me.

Perhaps it was just his intention (consciously or unconsciously) to sabotage things by his actions. Either way, I end up with love = avoidance.

2. A man I have loved and adored but has a long-term, long-distance girlfriend and thus, having realized the attraction there, stopped seeing me alone and pushed me somewhat out of his life until shortly before he left. I may have said it recently to him, but I know why I said it. Him leaving the country for years is hard for me to handle and I do love him. He said he loved me, unprovoked (at least in this, our last conversation). He also tried to call me the day he left while I was in class. Result: Confused feelings and confused thoughts as to his meaning. I try to assume it was a gosh, I’ll miss you, aren’t we great buddies kind of love…but he is gone and had to take a little part of me with him.

I find I wonder if he will come back married—or come back at all. Love = losing part of me in another country.

3. I meet a really cute guy, and he seems interested, laughs at my jokes, and smiles when he sees me. We hang out a lot, he's quite flirtatious, and he tells me he loves me--often. He tells me soon after that he "only flirts with girls (he) finds completely unattractive." He meant he loved me as a brother to a sister. Love = feeling insulted.

4. Facebook helped a guy who meant a lot to me find me again. We had just been close friends, but he was flirting and telling me how I meant so much to him and he'd missed me like crazy. He couldn't wait to see me again, and he kept repeating how much he loved me. I kept trying to take it in a brother-sister fashion, but it just didn't sound like that, and I had missed him terribly, too. He then told me he wanted to tell me something really important...he was gay. He then made a joke as to how his family, who quite dislike me, would laugh so hard if we pretended we were dating.

Now, it's very rare he speaks to me and tends to be based on the status of his relationship I set up for him. Love = feeling truly rejected.


Update: I wanted to keep a record of this, but love HAS to be able to truly cut you to the core or it is not love. I may have been cut, but it meant that I truly loved.