"Intimidatingly Perfect Life"

I tend to want to talk about relationships, understand their pitfalls and mistakes, and think about how to make them better. This, however, is not interesting to most men. Not for long, anyway.

I find it makes me feel slapped in the face when someone tells me to shut up about relationship “crap” already. I have no idea what to say after that, politely withdraw, and vow never to speak to that person again because I cannot say what is on my mind.

Am I obsessed? Do I become irritating? Is it rational to expect someone to want to hear the ramblings going through me head? Well, perhaps writing it here is a better option. What if I vent about someone here, and then they read it and hate me? I will try to avoid badmouthing people directly, I reserve the right to change names, and I will state now that my intentions are benign and generally honorable. I just want to grow and have a sounding board.

I was told today—TWICE—that my “perfect life is intimidating.” I pointed out my long list of chronic health problems that require constant vigilance (especially over everything I ingest), my constant failure at love and relationships, and my estrangement from most of my family. Neither person knew how to respond, the latter rushing offline to end the conversation.

I try to put the effort into school, and learning is easier for me than most, but everything else in my world seems like an utter failure—just better than it was two years ago when I was in yet another round of months where I was nearly too sick to get out of bed. So long has my life been a brief respite long enough to work and earn a little and then that stress (mental and physical) being too much for my immune system.

I am grateful for my world today, and I am perhaps happier about my situation because three years ago it seemed more than likely I would be dead now, but perfect and charmed life it is not.

I shall go now and decide which negative food reaction to choose until I finally fall asleep three hours before I have to wake for class. Who needs frozen drinks and hot tubs when they can have allergic reactions, insomnia, and perfectionist stress?